contentezza

concerning everyones response to the recent shortest-relationship-ever:
even if the reason that she gave me for leaving is complete bullshit, it really doesn't help for my friends to continue asserting their opinions about its ridiculosity.
when you do lie when breaking up with someone, usually its to avoid hurting their feelings. and i really didnt feel bad about the situation until everyone starting including their two cents.
i do still really like her, and we are still friends. so even though it may seem like the most inconsequential affair ever, I would like to preserve my trust in her and a little bit of pride, thank you very much.

so now that ive settled in more, i guess its time for a more comprehensive entry. Since now i actually have things to talk about.

i ended up having to drop greek 3 weeks into it. i really just wasnt cut out for it. as a result of that, and of my advisor not believing me when i say that after gov school i really can pick up a pretty good courseload, i only have 3 classes. 3. how insane is that? im using the extra time (i have wayyyyyyyyyyy too much of it!) to try and do beyond excellent in the classes i am taking, and start forming the basis for some tutorials.
tutorials are basically classes that you design with a professor on anything you want (as long as its academically acceptable), and then its just like a regular class except theres usually only 2 to 3 person in a class. I just need to learn enough about the areas i want to do tutorials in to be able to know what exactly im interested in, what directions i want to go.
im really lucky that i got the particular advisor that i did. evidentally its next to impossible to get tutorials with her because shes in high demand, but since im her advisee i kind of have first dibs. shes the go to person not only for lit, but also for anything involving queer and feminist things.
sweet.

I really like my roomate/room situation. bianca is really great/easy to live with. we have alot in common, but are absolutely opposite. shes.... hard to explain.

i have a lady friend. thats actually a very very new development, as in somethingdefinitivefinallyjusthappenedlastnight development. i really like her though. Its just kind of strange for me, because im used to being the innocent one, im not used to having to make the first move, etc. im the first girl shes ever kissed, and she said she wasnt really sure at all that she liked women before she met me. so thats really different from anyone ive ever been involved with before.
anyways, more on that later.
(her name is jess)


...



i really like where my life is right now. even though i am really worried about some people back home.

also,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAHCATOE!

this place feels like a time capsule.
in a really good way.
i think im just going to keep this journal unknown to anyone at school.

ive already fallen in with a group of friends, and it feels insanely amazing. I'm excited about my classes (which start tommorrow), and i get along really well with my roomate. bianca (roomate) is a messy queer vegan who is majoring somewhere in the humanities, so it works out really well.

woke up at five in the morning earlier to watch the solar eclipse. I went with Bianca and Kiri and sat on the hillside for about an hour. when the moon was just getting to where it was completely covered up we realised that if the earths shadow was covering the moon, then in some indirect way our shadows were there as well. we ended up making sure that the moons impression of us involved dancing and alot of hugging.

ive been spending most of my time with rita, kiri, loren, and letitia. Theyre all upperclassmen and have an apartment-dorm to themselves. which is nice because instead of creating all new dynamics im really the only new addition. we have daily "family dinners" and cuddle-fests. its pretty great. my only concern is that i only got introduced into this group of people in the first place because loren has a crush on me. I never really realised how prone i am to flirt with people im not really even interested in just because theyre flirting with me. I really like spending the majority of my free time with all of them, but im afraid that loren has misinterpreted alot of things concerning that. she tried to kiss me the other night and i explained to her what exactly was going on, but for some reason there seemed to be some major disconnect.

this whole entry sounds so post-cardy. its just awkward because ive met so many people so fast.

i really like it here though. it makes me happy. not just im-happy-for-just-this-brief-moment-happy, but honestly and earnestly thoroughly happy. ive never really had that before.

so i just decided that i reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally dont want to have to meet all new people in three weeks.

tonight I resolve never to waste life like I have the past year by sacrificing time to some innate sense of responsibility or pride.

this morning when i woke up i was a happier person knowing she exists.
shes completely unobtainable and theres seven days left of school and i dont care.

if only every day could be as good as saturday.
wait, scratch that, if only every weekend could be as full of life as this one has been.













(salamander!)

headed to new college next year hopefully.

and if a certain dog (not the one pictured above though!) is in the slammer 12 days from now, im busting her out and taking her with me.
i opened the cage door to look at the beautiful setter, and there was this skinny hound curled up in the corner of the same cage. i opened it a bit, and while the other dogs would try to clammer and push to get out, she didnt even try even when i left ample space. she just pressed her whole body into my stomach, her head into my arm, and just leaned into me the whole time, it didnt even matter if i was petting her or not. she didnt even wanted to be petted, i dont think. we just leaned into each other and she sat there trembling and wagging her tail she was so happy.
it was exactly what i needed.


im also entertaining a girl tommorrow afternoon, which makes everything even better...

i should clean my room.

MMMM
im a sleepy kind of happy.
you know the kind,
its kind of like comfy armchair love.
i feel like im not making any sense right now.
oh well.

I miss Icarus already.
Gave him over to the wildlife people this morning.
I hope he's going to be okay, hes really sick though. Im going to go see him at the rehab place later this week though!
To Sarah: this is what you miss when you run away for the weekend every weekend:






he's kind of adorable, and i put him in his nest box to sleep last night, and he ended up crawling into bed with me midway through the night.
Im very unsure about bex's baby bird though. we gave it to the woman, and I knew more about how to take care of it than she did (she usually only does animals).
Today feels like its going to be a photo-taking day.

I really just havent felt like existing around anyone but a certain four people for the past two weeks.
to those people : thank you for putting up with me.